Thursday, 7 June 2007

New beginnings

For a little while now (actually probably longer than I care to admit) I have been having the all too frequent struggles with food. By that I don't mean that the demons tell me to eat something a little bit naughty and I do, it's more than that to the point that I felt out of control. I could have good days or even weeks but then the "bad" things creep in and your mind starts to tell you it's ok it won't hurt. I was finding myself eating food I didn't even enjoy, I knew I was feeling grotty because I was not eating enough fresh foods, but then the sugar and fat addictions kicked in and I overate until I was too full to eat the healthy stuff.

I can't say exactly when this started because it is an on/off thing with me. I do however remember during my weight loss, feeling fantastic, even when I was still too heavy, I felt in control, my whole adult life I had been working towards losing weight and finally I was achieving it - consistently. I exceeded all my goals and got to a weight (61kg) that I had never even dreamed I could be. I couldn't have felt better. I maintained that for a while and felt good when I saw that I hadn't gained any weight, but I never felt great. In fact even though I was at my goal weight, I was disappointed that I wasn't losing anymore. See I guess I never imagined I would get to goal, but that I would always be trying. It seemed that all of a sudden my life purpose was taken away. Add to that a shoulder injury that messed with my training and my mind and the weight crept back on slowly. I got to the point where I was always covering up, pulling my clothes around me. Not realising that even though I had gained a bit, I was still 24kg lighter than when I started this journey.

Anyhow last week I decided that I was not going to focus on weight anymore, weight (and I truly believe this) is a by product of how we live our lives, instead I was going to focus on being fit and healthy and happy. I would take away all the strict regimes and mostly eat healthy, exercise most days and do something that makes me happy every day - and acknowledge it. I removed the scales and the battery and made a pact with myself not to weigh myself again for 2 whole weeks. Boy was I tempted to jump on after weighing a client but no I resisted. And so I am now on day 6 of this new thinking and I feel great again, I don't care (hope it lasts) how much I weigh, all I care about is that I am in control again. (well maybe not of my children, but you can always hope).

I am eating good food, exercising again like it has a purpose and I am taking time out every day for me.

I will keep you posted..............

1 comment:

Kristy said...

That sounds like a really great goal Claire. Once I get to my goal weight I would like to be able to do the same thing. 6 days is great and I look forward to hearing how you go.