I feel strange.......

I have a funny feeling in my tummy.

It's a Wednesday morning and the day didn't get off to a very good start. This morning was the first time I have ever missed a client session and it was because I slept in. I could say my alarm didn't go off but I take full responsibility for not setting it correctly. I woke up at 6am exactly which is the time I start my session 30 minutes from home. My clock said 6 PM and the alarm was set for 4.41 AM. Hence it didn't work.

I phoned my client and apologised profusely and told her the next session is on me. (Part of our contract)

Then, Jon has taken the day off work to take our youngest daughter out for a special 'Dad and Daughter' day before she starts school next year. She thinks she is going out for a milkshake but dad is taking her on the train and ferry to Taronga Zoo. She has been there before but she was too young to appreciate it. She will love it and I think he will too.

The funny feeling - I miss her, I know she is a preschool for 2 days every week but not on a Wednesday and I feel strange, I feel like something is missing. I am now thinking about how I will feel next year when I drop all 3 of them at school. The school will have the majority of my family.

So today, I have a Wednesday to fill, it is not my usual routine, I have heaps to do but it feels different!

Well done - positive reinforcement

I’ve been reading a few blogs recently and quite a people out there are trying to do the ‘Intuitive Eating’ thing.

I found this ‘idea’ a few years ago and have been trying to live by it. I say ‘trying’ as it is not easy to do. If it was easy, then all of us with eating issues would read a book or a blog and just do it. Oh I wish!

I am also a big believer in being kind to yourself, looking for the positive in everything you do or that happens to you, even if it is just the lesson learned. Again, this is not always easy; in fact it’s downright hard, especially when it is preceded by many years of not being kind to yourself.

I have just read the phrase ‘positive reinforcement’. I don’t even know what the context of this phrase was but that’s not the point here, the point here is that as a mother of 3 children aged 10, 6 and 4 and the owner of a pretty full on puppy, positive reinforcement has been a big feature in my life for the past 10 years.

So, it got me thinking. Every day I praise the good behaviour in my children, especially when there is very little good behaviour, because I believe they will learn to get the reaction from me that they want. They will continue with the good behaviour and try and refrain from the bad.

Yesterday, walking the dog, she was a nightmare, I mean, my arm hurt from her pulling, my hands were red raw from holding the lead so tightly and I seemed to be using my ‘firm’ voice a lot.

This morning reading the ‘positive reinforcement’ phrase made me think about a walk a few days ago where she behaved really well. I didn’t wait until some time later to acknowledge her good behaviour, I didn’t say good girl – just the once. The whole walk (well except where it was dangerous to) I maintained eye contact with her and repeated the whole walk, ‘good girl, good girl, good girl. She knew I was happy with her. She didn’t need a ‘treat’. She needed, I believe the positive reinforcement. Still the next walk was not good, but I will continue and she will learn.

The point – what difference would it make if every time, we did something good, we praised ourselves, every little thing and at the time, not later in a journal but at the time. I understand looking in a mirror and repeating good girl over and over may not always be practical but a little acknowledgement in your mind I think could be helpful.

This isn’t just about the food; it’s about the self esteem. For example, if you handled a situation well, or in some cases, even just handled it because you have been putting it off for so long because it was outside of your comfort zone, acknowledge that, give yourself praise, ignore the bad, the something you could have said or done better, as you would with a 4 year old. I wouldn’t focus with my daughter on the one little thing that she could have done better, I would focus on the 15 great things she did.

And now I have got to the end of writing this, I realize that this technique is something psychologists have been trying to teach us for years.

The stolen Christmas

I really feel this year like Christmas has been stolen from me by my children.

I no longer have a part in it. They put the tree up, they are getting big $ value gifts this year, so I haven't done lots of shopping for little gifts, presents for nieces and nephews in England were bought and posted mid year. I guess also not working for a big employer so no Christmas parties, and of course being away from the cold may be starting to have an effect, The first eight years of Christmas in the sun could have been a novelty. Or maybe it is just this year and next year will be different again.

I don't feel "bah humbug" far from it I love Christmas but I don't feel like it belongs to me anymore.

I'm sure I will feel better in the next couple of weeks when I see the Children's Christmas concerts.

Regardless, Merry Christmas everyone and I hope your preparation are well on the way.

Friends to visit

I did however take a break from work this weekend to spend it with Kristy.

Kristy arrived on Thursday and stayed with us until Sunday evening. She is a very beautiful person and is exactly as I imagined her to be. Despite never having met before and only speaking a couple of times on the telephone, we got on really well. It felt like I had known her for years. Well actually I have, but only online.

We did driving, shopping, walking in the Blue Mountains, dance classes (for my girls) coffees, a couple of wines, soccer supporting. Just normal family stuff. I hope it wasn't too boring for Kristy but it was great for me to have a girlfriend around.

I have to say thank you to Kristy's dad for spotting that bargain ticket! Thank you.

Exciting times

Things have been happening recently. I realised a few weeks ago that we were heading towards the middle of term 4 and that next year my Kindergarten child would be in year 1, my baby boy would be in year 5 and my last baby is starting school.

What would I do with myself?

Even though I have a PT business I still consider myself a stay at home mum and tell people I haven't worked since my second child was born 6 years ago. I have actually been working for two and a half years albeit before Jon left for work and after he got home, plus preschool days.

Anyhow I was never supposed to be a stay at home mum, I don't consider myself cut out for it or particularly good at it, some mums are and I totally respect that, but I was always destined to work. Perhaps that is why I did both. Childcare for 2 babies just wasn't an option, hence the working when Jon was home.

Now that my youngest is heading to school, I need to either get a 'proper' job or build a 'proper' business. So building a 'proper' business it is.

I am working hard at growing this business, not just stepping out of comfort zones, but leaping out of them at a great height. Much reading and research has been done and procrastination is not allowed anywhere near my personal space.

Part of this process was to finish up with some clients. They were not time efficient and actually were extremely draining which I felt (having been told by many people) was hindering and not helping progression. And actually since doing this new doors have opened already. No rest for the wicked!

Busy and exciting times are ahead.

Parenting

My son today got his Opportunity Class results and it has opened a whole new can of worms.

We never really intended for him to take up any offer but it would give us an indication of whether we should be considering a Selective High School for him.

He has been struggling for the last few weeks with anxiety. We seem to have pinpointed it to something at school. He is very open with me and I am 100% certain that if there was a problem that he was aware of he would have discussed it with me. He really doesn't know what is causing the symptoms.

The symptoms first appeared a couple of months ago on the morning of his OC test. He was shaking, crying, having palpitations, almost vomiting and could not even look at food. For me and my husband this was heartbreaking, he was 9 years old. No child should have to deal with that.

As a result Jon and I pretty much decided that bright or not, a Selective High School environment would not be for CJ. The competition would be too great and his stress levels would be permanently sky high.

His anxiety has continued (and we are talking to the school about it) so we really played down the OC results. He came home from school today though knowing that other kids had their results and wanted to know what he got.

I asked him first what he wanted the result to be? He said that he didn't want to go but it would be nice to know he could. When he found out his result he burst into tears, for some reason he just didn't think that he was that talented. It came as no surprise to Jon and I but CJ just doesn't get it.

We have a very intelligent boy, who is talented in all areas, he plays in the school band, they won another first place last week, he is teaching himself to play piano and guitar and has asked for a drum kit for Christmas (whole other story). He writes music and lyrics, he mixes and produces it on his computer. His dance group did very well this year, he is class captain etc etc.

And I know I am biased but the point of this is I guess that being a parent is so hard.

With a little pushing he could be an amazing academic - but it could also break him.

He could pursue his music - but should it stay a hobby?

Do we butt out and let him make his own decisions - at 10 is he old enough to do that? Would that make me a neglectful parent?

Babies are so much easier than growing children and I have two others following not so far behind him!

Why is it....

.....that camping for one night is really too much hassle and any more than 2 nights is way too long!

This trip was a huge improvement on the previous trips - there were no vomiting children and it didn't rain.

Actually apart from the not sleeping very much at all, it was good. We only travelled about 20 minutes down the road to Lane Cove National Park, but it felt like I was a million miles away from home.

We went for a short walk by the river on Sunday morning but the girls really struggled with it. Miss T usually walks (runs) for miles but she just wasn't up for it and when that happens we know it is time to turn back.

I think given that I have not vowed to never go again - it can be determined a success.