Better than ever....

....well almost, after my sickness this week, I have recovered and am feeling better than I have in a long time. I am able to get out of bed in the mornings, no more snoozing the alarm, in fact I am awake and up before the alarm again. I think this must have been brewing for a few weeks.

My dad and his wife have booked their flights, they arrive on 3 January, we are so excited. Jon's mum will be here at the same time, their dates overlap a bit, but that will be ok.

My mam has a new job and starts on Thursday, she is so much happier, she sounds stronger and is even pursuing constructive dismissal. This won't be an easy path for her, but just the fact that she is strong enough to pursue it, makes me less worried about her.

We have also had cable broadband installed this weekend, I have high hopes.

Stressful week but ....

This week has been pretty stressful but as I am trying to focus on the positives, I am not going to post about it, except to say as one child got better the next got sick, but at least I only have one sick at a time. - Is that a positive?

Every day gaining a better understanding of how my mind works and am working through how to change things, bit by bit.

Jon had his birthday on Thursday, (yet again surrounded by sick children, but no hospitalisations this year - another positive).

Our son is 9 on Monday and we are having a party for him on Sunday, the girls should be all well by then. Please think happy thoughts for us that he doesn't get sick.

My dad has managed to get the whole of January off work so is looking to visit us. I haven't seen him in 7 years. I am very excited about it. He will meet my daughters for the first time.

The mind

I hadn't realised it was so long since I posted last.

Isn't it strange how your mind plays tricks on you (well mine does anyway).

Last week I was feeling trapped by my children and this week, despite being home on my own with them all week, I have not felt trapped once. In fact today, I dropped them of at their various schools/child care centres, went about my day, and so looked forward to being able to pick them up again.

...............................

I ventured into Target today, not because it was the first day of the sales but because I really did/still do need to buy a couple of presents.

I was not put off by the crowds, I'm a big girl now, I can hold my own. I got a trolley (obviously prepared to buy up big), and put a couple of things into it. I (finally) got to the check out, not brave enough yet to try the lay-by line, and must have looked a right tool, my mind was saying, you have the stuff, pay for it, then it said, Have you seen the line, no way, then it said, you're here now it won't take that long, and my mind said no way, during this time several people got very frustrated with me, you obviously are not allowed to stand still in Target for any length of time. I abandoned my trolley and left.

Ok so I am not yet ready for the Target sales, but I tried. I still need to buy some presents but I will do that another day. Don't really know when, it is another week before I have no children and by then it will be too late - deal with that later - I am just happy to say that the look on my face must have been enough for the security?? at the the shop front not to ask to look in my bag on my way out.

Perspective

Enough of the negativity. I was in a low place last week, not very low and not for very long but long enough to have me a little worried. I needed a little perspective, but perspective is difficult to achieve when you are already low.

Even more, I was frustrated with myself because that is not who I am. I like most people come up against little problems/issues and negativity all the time, usually though I am able to work through it and either find a solution or turn it into a positive. This wasn't happening last week so I was disappointed with myself.

We have worked through it now (don't know what I would do without my husband). I have re-focused. One of the main things I needed to do was to stop planning - planning whilst good in most circumstances - can be a major issue for me. I need to learn to live in the moment and deal with issues only if they are an issue and not try to foresee every future circumstance. Live for now.

So for the time being, I am going to put my youngest daughter in occasional care for one day a week. My other children will stay in school and preschool. I will try and work mornings and evenings and if clients need me during the day, I will deal with that then.

The whole reason for me re-training was to do something I love, to help others and most of all to fit in with my family. I got swept up in all the excitement and wanted to go full on into a full time business and was feeling trapped by my children.

My family are more important than anything to me and whilst I love training and training other people, it's not much fun if the family is not happy.

If I complain again about being trapped, let me wallow for a day and then remind me that my family is everything to me and I am so very very lucky.

I am also gonna read some different books, thank you for the suggestions.

No children today

I have a day today where all my children are at school, preschool, or occasional care, unfortunately though my day is filled with appointments and jobs, that are easier without children.

I may get to eat a lunch in peace. That is definitely something to look forward to, even if it is a packed lunch.

Having got all excited about having a child free day, I know by 2pm I will be missing them like crazy.

Oh dear it's started already, my son just came back from the bus stop saying the bus went early and he missed it. I am sat here writing, not yet dressed and faced with the prospect of getting him to school. Luckily a neighbour was just driving by and collected him for me. What a star. Maybe the day will be ok after all.